Getting divorced is a horrible ordeal. That might be common knowledge, but I had no idea just how difficult it would be until it became my reality. As with everyone who decides to marry, I was at one time very much in love. But like a frog in boiling water, I did not recognize the change in temperature until it was too hot.
My ex and I are slowly working through the financial mess and trying to redefine our relationship. However, the hardest part of getting divorced has not been just the loss of my partner, but more surprisingly the loss of my friends. My ex and I had a large group of mutual friends. These were people I thought had my back. They were there for me when I was sick. They were there for me with a ride to the airport. They were there when others failed. And now - quite suddenly -- they are gone.
Despite the fact that my ex and I are attempting to make the situation as blameless as possible, our friends are not. They have all bought big broad brushes and painted the situation as black or white. Right or wrong. Jets or the Sharks (guess I will be the Shark since I live closer to the water). It's amazing how uncomfortable others have been with our attempt at a no-fault divorce. ... Because (according to them) someone must be at fault.
I'm having a hard time coming to terms with this loss of friends. How can they have perceived me as such a different and horrible person in such a short period of time? I need them. Divorce is lonely. Moving to another city across the country is lonely. Both together create the emotional clusterfuck of the century. Take away my support system, and it would honestly be easier if you took me out back, told me to think about the rabbits, and shot me in the back of the head. I have been ignored, uninvited, and basically taken off the list.
I'm sorry that my decision to leave my marriage has been so confusing and painful for them. I'm sorry that they cannot have relationships without categories and labels. I'm sorry my painful transition is not a priority because they are so busy picking teams. ...And probably making t-shirts too....
