I think a boob job and lobotomy would improve my dating life ten-fold.
I've always considered myself liberal, but I'll grant you -- there are some very traditional and very sexist beliefs that I hold close to the chest. Maybe I've read The Rules one too many times, but most of this is common curtesy:
1) Open the fucking door. If you are a man, open the door. Open the car door, open the front door, step aside and open the door to the restaurant and allow me to enter first. This is not only polite, but where I come from expected.
I've heard the excuse that feminists today will turn around and mouth "I can do it myself!" and this will intimidate the male species and hence no more door opening. Boys, if this happens to you, please stop dating her. She has something to prove and you will not be able to fill that void. (How do I know? I used to be her.)
2) If you ask a girl out, you pay. This is not only chivalrous, but also practical. Women still make 75 cents on the dollar and are unable to contribute to their 401k when they take time off during their childbearing years, so seriously -- suck it up and buy me a burger. Of course, I'll politely offer to pay, and of course you should decline my offer and insist. This is called the dance. Learn it.
A friend (who is not dating as far as I can tell) protested this truth when explained to him and asked, "well what if she orders the most expensive thing off the menu? What if she keeps ordering expensive shit?" ...well then, don't ask her out again, rocket scientist. Why you datin' a gold digger anyways?
3) If we have a nice time...call the next day. Yeah, really. I don't think you're cooler if you wait a week. It makes me feel like an after-thought or Plan B. And I will not be returning your phone call when you make me feel like second place.
4) If you're intimidated by the fact that I'm smart, athletic, hilarious...whatever...then don't ask me out. I understand the veiled comments that run along the lines of "Oh, don't you know how to do...blah?" or "You've never...blah? I can't believe you've never done that." Or this is my favorite -- when I mention an accomplishment and you start to compete with me. "Yeah? -- well I did ...blah blah blah." You're trying to cut me down to make yourself feel better. But here's the thing about smart women-- when you cut me, I don't want to make you feel better about yourself. ...I want to go home.
Don't get me wrong. There's not a day that doesn't pass where I don't realize how lucky I am. I'm intelligent, accomplished, funny and I have a great ass. I'm not perfect. (I never prayed as a little girl, "Dear God, please make me flat-chested and nearsighted.") But seriously, do I really have to deal with THIS. ...I'm never going to win dating at this rate.
