A dear friend (I heart you Daniel-san) from the Commonwealth (snobs - why can't you just be a state?) of Pennsylvania has requested that I consider other states in addition to good ol' PA as my "least favorite" (per my discussion regarding my love for Jim Halpert). Because I'm extremely open minded (LOL...not even I can say that with a straight face) and always love an exchange of ideas... let's discuss.
Before continuing, let me explain why PA is my least favorite state. I first entered the Commonwealth in 1992. And although I realize it's changed since then, in my earliest memories... it sucked. ... A LOT. First up --Pittsburgh. Dear god, that city reeked like rotten eggs. Almost 20 years later I distinctly remember the stench and the billowing smokestacks turning the already ugly sky a darker shade of drab. But it was the toll road that really upped my joy. Two words -- jersey barriers. The image of tight corners winding their way up and down mountains while my little car was engulfed in semis stays with me to this day. To my right -- a big cement slab just waiting to scrape my car. In addition, the state police were perched around every turn giving out $100 speeding tickets like chocolate crack. And the cherry on top was of course ...(wait for it) Breezewood. That clusterfuck of a town with 50 plus traffic lights, and minimal signage...why are we even having this discussion? Who can't get out of there fast enough?
Once I was established in DC (a.k.a. drunk and in college) I had the joy of meeting numerous coeds from the greater Philadelphia area. Wow. They made Massholes look classy. I don't know which sports-related event shocks me more -- the Philly fans booing Destiny's Child in 2001 during the NBA finals (for their costume of Sixers, Lakers, and NBA jerseys -- remember this people? A good life lesson for all Americans-- behave in a diplomatic manner ...and we'll cut ya); or the jail in the Phillies baseball stadium. Throw in Alan Iverson (world's. biggest. douche.) and Michael Vick, and we truly have the triumvirate of evil. In case the above diatribe did not make this clear, I fucking HATE Philadelphia.
...But the journey continues...after college I met my husband, who as luck would have it was from Rochester, NY. For those of you who don't know your eastern seaboard geography, in order to get from Washington, DC to Rochester, NY, you must go through -- for seven endless, serenity-now hours -- Pennsylvania. Specifically, you must take Route 15. This drab, gray, two lane road through dying townships is a nightmare unparalleled to any other. If I had a dollar for every mother-fucking semi we sat behind for 40 minutes until a passing lane became available, we could all retire. Words truly cannot express my hatred for the trip. I can still name every dingy mile marker located throughout the Susquehanna River Valley. Harrisburg, where we turn left and once stopped to look at yard ornaments as a housewarming gift for our friend Mark. We bought Zippy, the cement squirrel. ...Reptileland, ...Ada's Bar, ...that ginormous porn shop on the right side of the road directly following Shamokin Dam. Selinsgrove where I ate at that nasty Perkins and Ted's Landing far too many times... finally stopping in Williamsport, home of the Little League World Series and until 2003, the closest Wegman's to Washington DC. (If you have never been to a Wegman's, it is a remarkable place and should not in any way be associated with the monstrosity that is Pennsylvania.)
So hence, my hatred was born.
Other suggested contenders for the position of least favorite state include, but are not limited to:
1) Arkansas. Good choice. Little Rock blows. It's scary and the people are not bright. But the stench cannot rival the rotten egg funk of Pittsburgh in the early 90s, or the meatheads that populate Philadelphia.
2) Louisiana. Although I have been vocal about the fact that Louisiana is definitely the dumbest state, I still cannot call it my least favorite. The title of dumbest state can be attributed to an episode at Walmart, circa 2005. The entire town of Shreveport was at their local Walmart on Christmas Eve. My husband and I were enroute to Dallas to visit my sister. We stopped to fill the gas tank, and I ran into said Walmart (please forgive me, Democratic Party) to grab a couple of large candy canes filled with M&Ms that my sister had forgotten to pick up for her kids. I stood in line - the express line -- for 20 minutes without moving despite multiple loud speaker announcements warning of the store's imminent closing. I moved to another line and stood behind a quite large and weathered couple not capable of communicating. As the wife took items out of the cart and placed them on the conveyor belt, the clerk would scan them. Once scanned, the husband would place the items in the cart ...where the wife would place them on the conveyor belt again. They paid for every item at least twice.
3) New Jersey. Obviously a top contend, due primarily to Newark. However, the bottom of the state is actually quite lovely. And not filled with Amish as in PA (I grew up with the Amish in Indiana. They smell.)
There are many people I love and adore from PA. Most of my law school friends are from PA and they are amazing. But the fact is, none of them went back there either. Despite my love for Jim Halpert, Daniel-san, and my work-husband Ryan (who is HUGE in Pittsburgh's gay community), PA...suck it.
Before continuing, let me explain why PA is my least favorite state. I first entered the Commonwealth in 1992. And although I realize it's changed since then, in my earliest memories... it sucked. ... A LOT. First up --Pittsburgh. Dear god, that city reeked like rotten eggs. Almost 20 years later I distinctly remember the stench and the billowing smokestacks turning the already ugly sky a darker shade of drab. But it was the toll road that really upped my joy. Two words -- jersey barriers. The image of tight corners winding their way up and down mountains while my little car was engulfed in semis stays with me to this day. To my right -- a big cement slab just waiting to scrape my car. In addition, the state police were perched around every turn giving out $100 speeding tickets like chocolate crack. And the cherry on top was of course ...(wait for it) Breezewood. That clusterfuck of a town with 50 plus traffic lights, and minimal signage...why are we even having this discussion? Who can't get out of there fast enough?
Once I was established in DC (a.k.a. drunk and in college) I had the joy of meeting numerous coeds from the greater Philadelphia area. Wow. They made Massholes look classy. I don't know which sports-related event shocks me more -- the Philly fans booing Destiny's Child in 2001 during the NBA finals (for their costume of Sixers, Lakers, and NBA jerseys -- remember this people? A good life lesson for all Americans-- behave in a diplomatic manner ...and we'll cut ya); or the jail in the Phillies baseball stadium. Throw in Alan Iverson (world's. biggest. douche.) and Michael Vick, and we truly have the triumvirate of evil. In case the above diatribe did not make this clear, I fucking HATE Philadelphia.
...But the journey continues...after college I met my husband, who as luck would have it was from Rochester, NY. For those of you who don't know your eastern seaboard geography, in order to get from Washington, DC to Rochester, NY, you must go through -- for seven endless, serenity-now hours -- Pennsylvania. Specifically, you must take Route 15. This drab, gray, two lane road through dying townships is a nightmare unparalleled to any other. If I had a dollar for every mother-fucking semi we sat behind for 40 minutes until a passing lane became available, we could all retire. Words truly cannot express my hatred for the trip. I can still name every dingy mile marker located throughout the Susquehanna River Valley. Harrisburg, where we turn left and once stopped to look at yard ornaments as a housewarming gift for our friend Mark. We bought Zippy, the cement squirrel. ...Reptileland, ...Ada's Bar, ...that ginormous porn shop on the right side of the road directly following Shamokin Dam. Selinsgrove where I ate at that nasty Perkins and Ted's Landing far too many times... finally stopping in Williamsport, home of the Little League World Series and until 2003, the closest Wegman's to Washington DC. (If you have never been to a Wegman's, it is a remarkable place and should not in any way be associated with the monstrosity that is Pennsylvania.)
So hence, my hatred was born.
Other suggested contenders for the position of least favorite state include, but are not limited to:
1) Arkansas. Good choice. Little Rock blows. It's scary and the people are not bright. But the stench cannot rival the rotten egg funk of Pittsburgh in the early 90s, or the meatheads that populate Philadelphia.
2) Louisiana. Although I have been vocal about the fact that Louisiana is definitely the dumbest state, I still cannot call it my least favorite. The title of dumbest state can be attributed to an episode at Walmart, circa 2005. The entire town of Shreveport was at their local Walmart on Christmas Eve. My husband and I were enroute to Dallas to visit my sister. We stopped to fill the gas tank, and I ran into said Walmart (please forgive me, Democratic Party) to grab a couple of large candy canes filled with M&Ms that my sister had forgotten to pick up for her kids. I stood in line - the express line -- for 20 minutes without moving despite multiple loud speaker announcements warning of the store's imminent closing. I moved to another line and stood behind a quite large and weathered couple not capable of communicating. As the wife took items out of the cart and placed them on the conveyor belt, the clerk would scan them. Once scanned, the husband would place the items in the cart ...where the wife would place them on the conveyor belt again. They paid for every item at least twice.
3) New Jersey. Obviously a top contend, due primarily to Newark. However, the bottom of the state is actually quite lovely. And not filled with Amish as in PA (I grew up with the Amish in Indiana. They smell.)
There are many people I love and adore from PA. Most of my law school friends are from PA and they are amazing. But the fact is, none of them went back there either. Despite my love for Jim Halpert, Daniel-san, and my work-husband Ryan (who is HUGE in Pittsburgh's gay community), PA...suck it.
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