Because my mother was raised Southern Baptist, I have been hearing about the "End of Days" for quite some time. So the recent hype about May 21 being the end of the world didn't really phase me. But logistically, I do have some questions. First and foremost: if the Rapture is on Saturday, can I not pay the cable bill? Can I stop training for this damn marathon to which I committed myself (and am vastly unprepared)? ...honestly, I don't believe this is the end but it does beg the question, "what if it were?" Of course the usual answers come to mind: stop working, surf, spend time with those I love, tell those I don't how I actually feel (and there are a couple of people I'm gunnin' for on that one)... but if there were some specifics to check off the list...
1) I'd call the guy to whom I lost my virginity and apologize...because I became one super-crazy bitch. But in real life, you don't call your ex and say, "hey, I'm sorry I was crazy." ...that makes you look more crazy.
2) Have sex with reckless abandon -- and when interviewing potential partners, my first question would be, "How big is your penis?" Because I know my gender has said otherwise...but yes, it really does matter.
3) Drugs. Lots of drugs. On the beach. In Costa Rica.
4) I would walk around the streets and start singing random showtunes, as though I was actually in a musical. This was always my sister's dream, but since it's the end of the world I thought I would steal it from her.
5) I would go to the zoo and set all the animals free. Don't get me wrong; I love the zoo. Animals fascinate me (especially the naked mole rats...what the hell are those things?) and I appreciate those who study and care for them. I appreciate the opportunity to observe them. But when I do go to the zoo, I feel a little dirty. Because I know it's wrong and I wouldn't want it to be me in those cages.
6) I would eat everything not nailed down. To excess. ...especially fish tacos.
7) I would drive like speed racer. I love driving fast! ... I'm always scared of getting a ticket (and I would probably feel guilty about the accidentally killing someone part, too). But if Jesus comes on Saturday, what do I fucking care about a ticket? ...I would see if I could get from here to LA in half an hour or less.
8) I would go to Mexico -- that's playin' with fire, kids. Ever since I landed in San Diego, I have been warned not to go to Mexico -- I'll be raped, beheaded, sold to the Russian mafia, forced to have sex with barnyard animals, what-have-you. It's so taboo that I want to know what the big deal is.
9) Have a "Rapture Bar Crawl" and make t-shirts. Oh wait...I am doing that.
...a perfect "Number 10" is not coming to mind. Probably because I know this is not the end and we have a long way to go. It does give me pause to look at the taboo things in life and wonder, "what if." I probably won't eat more or drive faster. But you might see me on a street corner near you (probably Saturday after bar crawl) bustin' out in showtunes.
1) I'd call the guy to whom I lost my virginity and apologize...because I became one super-crazy bitch. But in real life, you don't call your ex and say, "hey, I'm sorry I was crazy." ...that makes you look more crazy.
2) Have sex with reckless abandon -- and when interviewing potential partners, my first question would be, "How big is your penis?" Because I know my gender has said otherwise...but yes, it really does matter.
3) Drugs. Lots of drugs. On the beach. In Costa Rica.
4) I would walk around the streets and start singing random showtunes, as though I was actually in a musical. This was always my sister's dream, but since it's the end of the world I thought I would steal it from her.
5) I would go to the zoo and set all the animals free. Don't get me wrong; I love the zoo. Animals fascinate me (especially the naked mole rats...what the hell are those things?) and I appreciate those who study and care for them. I appreciate the opportunity to observe them. But when I do go to the zoo, I feel a little dirty. Because I know it's wrong and I wouldn't want it to be me in those cages.
6) I would eat everything not nailed down. To excess. ...especially fish tacos.
7) I would drive like speed racer. I love driving fast! ... I'm always scared of getting a ticket (and I would probably feel guilty about the accidentally killing someone part, too). But if Jesus comes on Saturday, what do I fucking care about a ticket? ...I would see if I could get from here to LA in half an hour or less.
8) I would go to Mexico -- that's playin' with fire, kids. Ever since I landed in San Diego, I have been warned not to go to Mexico -- I'll be raped, beheaded, sold to the Russian mafia, forced to have sex with barnyard animals, what-have-you. It's so taboo that I want to know what the big deal is.
9) Have a "Rapture Bar Crawl" and make t-shirts. Oh wait...I am doing that.
...a perfect "Number 10" is not coming to mind. Probably because I know this is not the end and we have a long way to go. It does give me pause to look at the taboo things in life and wonder, "what if." I probably won't eat more or drive faster. But you might see me on a street corner near you (probably Saturday after bar crawl) bustin' out in showtunes.
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