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So here's a question for which I cannot find an answer.  In California when we talk about the 99 percent, we're referring to boob jobs.  It's as common as driving -- everybody does it.  But a novel question arose this weekend from a girlfriend: do you tell a imminent sexual  partner that your jugs aren't real?  Would they know?  ...what's the protocol here?

Shockingly, Google had no answer to this question.  So I posed it to friends at dinner the other night (it's quite unfortunate that we were seated by a family of four, but these things happen...) and there was not a strong consensus either way.  ...he'd probably figure it out, but maybe not, and it was probably unnecessary to tell him ahead of time.   But there was a strong assumption by one particular member of the dinner table as to the motivations of a female who would elect such a surgery --  and whether it was motivated by insecurity or a real sense of self improvement.  According to my buddy (and I use that term loosely) this elective surgery constituted false advertising and pointed to a deeper character flaw: dishonesty.

I found this conclusion a little hypocritical -- I mean, we're talking about boob jobs here.  Who among us hasn't had a feature we wanted to change?  In fact, show me someone who has never had a self-critical thought and I'll show you a narcissist (hence the word "buddy" used loosely).  And maybe I'm a bit sensitive on this topic.  Full disclosure, I am not well-endowed and I still remember quite vividly being berated by mean, mean girls in junior high.  It certainly didn't help my self-esteem at a pivotal time.  And unlike other physical traits with which I am uncontent (my arms, my abs, etc.), my breast size I cannot change through sheer discipline and hard work (believe me - I've tried).  More than that, it's a physical trait directly associated with femininity.  ...so tied to our identity as women...we have no control over the trait...is it any wonder we're talking 99 percent here?

I wished we lived in a utopia where going under the knife to raise our self esteem wasn't a part of the equation, but it is.  And like men in skinny jeans, most of us have grown to accept it in recent times.  I'd love to be all deep and go off on a tangent regarding feminist theory, but I can't: I suffer the same insecurities we all do.  I'm not about to single-handedly change society's definition of beauty, but I do have the power to change my appearance in a variety of ways: make-up, exercise, clothing, botox, boob jobs...all tools in the arsenal of feminine splendor.  I guess what I would like to change (especially as my face begins to collapse like a dying star) is the fact that to a variety of people, my beauty is the most important contribution I bring to society. 

Don't get me wrong -- I like being a girl.  But in the most simple of terms, I do believe it's harder to be a girl than to be a boy.  ...I'm not sure I'd wish it on anybody.  And at the end of the day, I'm going to plant myself firmly in the Ann Boleyn camp and pray that if I ever do give birth, it's to a son.